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And while they serve the exact same function (regulating grand openings and final close-outs) they go about it in different ways. In the next chapter, you’re going to learn how to do that, but first, let’s talk about another pain in the ass. Let’s start by examining why so much of your butt tension is (seemingly) beyond your ability to control it. The whole time you were clamping down on your external sphincter your internal sphincter was chillin’ on the couch, sipping a cosmo, blithely unaware that its twin brother was being throttled.You are most familiar with the external sphincter because you can order it to tighten and release. Squinch your starfish by using the muscles to stop yourself from peeing. Do this: Tighten your sphincter as hard as you can right now for a count of five seconds. The external sphincter does not respond to your commands because like your heart beat, it’s governed by the autonomic nervous system.He makes well-documented assertions that sex between men in Ancient Greece was “normal” and idealized, but that there were strict rules regarding its conduct. Anything that subverted the concept of masculinity was punished with social ostracism and ridicule.

In our world, tops can only date or hook up with bottoms and bottoms can only do the same with tops. Relaxing your sphincter during anal sex will go a long way to eliminating pain, but it only gets you so far into the promised land. Feel like taking a crap but there’s no bathroom around? But your left hand (internal sphincter) is so tight that it won’t let a poking finger through very easily.

Maybe you really, really want to do it but you’ve avoided it because you don’t know what to do or how to do it. I’ve been writing gay sex advice columns for the last ten years and the most common questions I get are, “How do I bottom without pain? It may be that your “S” curve is more pronounced than say, your friend, the gay bottom who can swallow living room sectionals.

If you knew which angle to insert your partner’s penis and how to insert it you’d avoid most of the pain.

Or maybe they’re endlessly patient, but nothing works—it’s too painful or it doesn’t feel right.

You might also be struggling with the “ick factor.” A lot of guys are grossed out by anal sex.

In our world, tops can only date or hook up with bottoms and bottoms can only do the same with tops. Relaxing your sphincter during anal sex will go a long way to eliminating pain, but it only gets you so far into the promised land. Feel like taking a crap but there’s no bathroom around? But your left hand (internal sphincter) is so tight that it won’t let a poking finger through very easily.

Maybe you really, really want to do it but you’ve avoided it because you don’t know what to do or how to do it. I’ve been writing gay sex advice columns for the last ten years and the most common questions I get are, “How do I bottom without pain? It may be that your “S” curve is more pronounced than say, your friend, the gay bottom who can swallow living room sectionals.

If you knew which angle to insert your partner’s penis and how to insert it you’d avoid most of the pain.

Or maybe they’re endlessly patient, but nothing works—it’s too painful or it doesn’t feel right.

You might also be struggling with the “ick factor.” A lot of guys are grossed out by anal sex.

We’ve adapted that consciousness in our own community, where the penetrator (top) is more valuable than the penetrated (bottom). Now keep everything connected and completely relax both hands.